Girl time...

Last night was book club.  We all rode together to Fort Drum...about a 45 minute ride.  So we got to chit chat on the way down there.  We found Aubrey's new place in the dark and had no trouble getting in the gate.  Although honestly I don't think the guard on duty dared keep a van full of 7 women too long, LOL!  The food was great and the conversation was awesome!  When all 8 women are crying they are laughing so hard you know it was a good time.  What a blessing I have to call them all friends and to be able to confide in them and sound off on them.  What a privilege!  Countdown had begun for the next book club already!  HAHA  

On another note, Aubrey's husband has his departure date now.  Please prayer for Aubrey and her 4 kids as Michael is leaving on March 20th for Afghanistan for 12-18 months.        

TMI

Ok just for the record this is a vent and anyone that doesn't want to read can stop now...You have been warned!  Being a woman SUCKS!  Ok I don't usually use that word, but I can't think of another word that is strong enough right now.  A week ago I went to the ER with a kidney infection.  Took 5 days before I felt any better.  Today I'm back at the doctor's office with a super bad yeast infection despite my strong efforts with yogurt.  I'm so done!  Did I mention that this is my third UTI/Kidney infection since May 2009?  So now my OB/GYN is talking about urologists.  YUCK!  I talked with her for a while today and we decided that I would make a follow up appointment with my family doctor on Monday to make sure my Kidney infection is really gone.  Then I will run all this by him.  My thoughts is one of two things...although I'm no doctor.  I only had one kidney infection before having Madalyn and that was while I was in Morrisville.  I was training a 2 year old filly and got thrown and kicked on my right side of my back, right around my kidney.  2 days later I was at the health center just about in tears and they diagnosed my first kidney infection or kidney stone...ended up not being a stone.  Then I was good to go.  Till I had Madalyn.  After her delivery, my uterus tilted.  I did some research and they mentioned that that could be the cause.  I don't know.  But I REALLY DON'T WANT TO GO TO ANOTHER DOCTOR!  LOL  I'm just going to repeat my statement for the day...being a woman sucks!    

Update on the big girls and some other stuff..

They are doing great in their new bedroom arrangement.  I asked them how they liked it and if they wanted to keep it that way and they said YES!  Its kinda bad because in one way I want to put it back and somehow force them to stay little (I'm fully aware that this will not work by the way!).  Then the other half of me likes the facet that they are showing more and more independence and their beds are WAY easier to make the way they are currently set up!  For now they are staying the way they are anyhow and as of right now no one has fallen out.  

We had an awesome day in Syracuse yesterday at the Farm show (pictures to come).  The kids tested out milking machines, cow mats, clipping stations, and lots more stuff.  The dogs were very well behaved and we had a blast hanging on with family.  We even met up with a mutual friend of mine and Doug's from Morrisville State College.  Afterwards we went to Olive Garden and enjoyed an awesome meal together.  It wasn't the best weather for traveling in the world, but we took it slow and steady and it was fine!

Still nothing on Chloe yet.  I'm guessing we are 1-2 days away from a cycle still.  I'll keep ya'll posted...HAHA  not that some of you may want to know but...well I have to have some place to talk!

"We are NOT babies anymore!"

Yesterday, in my hopes of finding Case's harness for our trip today, I ended up in the girls room.  You see, we have this naughty boy...his name is Sid.    

Maybe you have met him?  He is a THIEF!  So naturally when something goes missing in the house, its usually his fault.  And usually I'm right.  However, after pulling apart the kids beds, (did I mention that he is not only a thief but he hides what he takes?) I came up empty handed.  I began to put the room back together.  Marissa came in, asked what I was doing and proceeded to help me.  Then she informed me, "Do you know that Madalyn and I are NOT babies anymore?"  I assured her I did.  Then she asked why the side protectors were still on the bed.  It makes it look like a crib she told me.  So I asked her if she would like hers off.  She did so I started the process of removing hers when in walked the "shadow".  I knew what was coming next.  Madalyn wanted hers off too.  They also decided they wanted their beds separated versus being pushed right together and the crack filled with blankets.  I'm not entirely sure how long it will last.  I don't think they will want their sides back on, but it wouldn't surprise me if Marissa wants the beds pushed back together.  Time will tell.  Hopefully no one falls out tonight!

On another note, we are days away from Chloe's next cycle.  My guess is we have 12 days before we do the first breeding.  I'm scared! 

 If you havn't met the Daddy and Mommy yet, this is Jack (left) and Chloe (right).  They are Cairn Terriers and are both a little over 2.  This will be theirs and our first litter.  My sister-in-law, Laurie (she owns the male) is doing it with me so I'm not on my own.  We should be looking at puppies arriving sometime in May if all goes well.  I'll keep you posted!

Scrap booking

This month I went to my first ever scrap booking party. Something about scrap booking has always intrigued me, but I have never tried my hand at it. I'm still very clueless, but nonetheless, I ordered some stuff. We made this card at the party...it was simple and easy and cost about 33 cents. I can handle that!

I got to bring home the catalog which is packed full of fun ideas for cards and scrap book pages.

This is the paper that I ordered. I love pink and brown anything so when I saw it I knew it was calling my name...with the green in there too its prefect!

This is the company...

We had alot of fun and hopefully soon I will be able to try it all out. I'm a perfectionist, so I'm hoping my creative side comes out good, or else I have a feeling it won't work for me! LOL But I really want it to because it looks like so much fun. I guess they have a new end of it coming out where you can design your pages online and they print them out and ship them to you. That seems more up my alley, but I'm sure more expensive too. We will see!

Grandma and Grandpa Geiger came!

I'm horrible and totally forgot I even took these pictures! I was preparing the camera for tomorrow and found them. Figured late is better than never right?!

The girls love it when "Grandma Geiger" and "Grandpa" visit. Here are a couple pictures of their visit.

Just for the record...I have NOOOO idea why Grandpa got all the pictures with the girls minus this last one.

At one point in time everyone in the house was asleep...Yes even me, but good news is I woke up first so I was able to share this picture with all of you! You can see Grandpa's legs and feet there on the floor. We ran out of room on the couch...

Little Things...

Its funny, and I guess good, the little things that get me all excited. Tomorrow we are going to the Syracuse Farm Show. Pretty much, for those of you who have never been or never heard of it, its exactly as it sounds. Its held at the NY State fairgrounds in Syracuse and its buildings full of new farm equipment and new ideas. The kids can climb on the tractors and they have a blast! You would think the girls wouldn't care after living on a farm and climbing in our 6 or so tractors. However, they can't get enough. We meet up with Doug's brother and sister-in-law and their two boys and then Doug's parents and sister usually accompany us too. This year we are taking Jack and Chloe and printing up business cards. Since she is due any day for her cycle we figured it would be a good way to spread the name. As of right now we are also planning on taking Case since he doesn't do well being left and I don't want to have a mess when I get home to clean up. We are leaving first thing tomorrow morning around 9ish...providing all goes well at the barn in the morning.

So...today....I get to prepare for tomorrow. That means laundry,

packing a bag for the girls,

and packing stuff for the dogs. I try to pack the day before so that I won't forget anything. Usually it works pretty good. This year should be easier since both girls are potty trained. We usually still take an extra pair of clothes just in case though. Then snacks, the camera, harness and leashes for the dogs, the stroller,...I guess I should just get my butt up and get to it! I promise pictures on Friday!

Oh and a side note...book club is Friday and I'm super excited about that too! LOL

Prayers

Fact # 1 ~ God answers Prayers.

Fact # 2 ~ We quickly forget Fact # 1.

I have been saved since I was 10. Although I didn't really get the Christian walk till I was in college and on my own, I have prayed plenty of prayers already in those 15 years. Yet each time I get a clear answer to prayer I'm so in awe. You would think that would have ended by now! I know He is capable of answering any prayer I lift up, but I think I more struggle with the fact that He does. I mean sure He can, but that doesn't mean He has to. And lets face it, how often am I "owed" an answer? I can guarantee you it isn't often, if ever. But, yet He always pulls though. Sometimes its not how I would have done it or when I would have, but He always does. Wednesday night was a great example of this. One of my friends from church called me around 9:00pm. She is 32 weeks pregnant with her second and wanted to know if I could remember how I knew I was in preterm labor with Madalyn. I talked with her for a bit and she decided it was for the best to head in and get checked. She was indeed in preterm labor. I have never prayed so hard in my life. It brought back so many feelings. So many fears. And just for the record, at least for right now, I'm back with being 100% sure of our decision of no more babies! God answered prayer though. They gave her a shot to stop contractions and did a test that showed that she was safe from delivery for another 2 weeks. Thank you Lord!

We have been talking a lot more about the Lord, prayers, that sort of the thing, the older the girls get. They don't really have a handle on Him or the praying thing yet, but its cute to listen to them try to rationalize it. Last night they are sitting at the table after we ate. Marissa pipes up and announces that she thinks we should pray to God so he can answer our wishes! LOL She continued and prayed for her wish, that He would give her a snack. HAHA

A "Week Off"...

The biggest perk about being a farmer is that we get a whole week off milking off for a whole week every third week. This week is a lot of fun for us as a family. We get to go to the barn together, as a family, and feed the cows. Its also our opportunity to run to the city if we need something and be able to go all together. I enjoy working along side Doug in the barn and watching the girls care for the young stock. I really need to get on the picture wagon and take some new pictures of the girls in the barn. Somehow these freezing temperatures deter me from taking the camera up, so for now...these will have to do!

Book club...

I love it when new families enter our church. Especially when they are younger couples whom Doug and I can easily relate to. When Aubrey and her family showed up at our church one Sunday I was not prepared for the attachment that would come between us. I very quickly learned that she was married to a man in the Army who was due to deploy to Afghanistan in March. I knew I had to do my best to make her feel welcome and to help be her support system in any way I could. Not long after she arrived, Aubrey came to me and asked if I would be interested in joining a book club. Since I love to read, ok maybe that isn't 100% true...let's try that again...Since reading is ok and I really wanted to make sure she felt welcome, I accepted Aubrey's invitation after consulting Doug. I wasn't totally on board with the idea and admittedly nervous about sharing how I felt about a book with a whole bunch of other women that I may not be very comfortable with. The first book was picked and surprisingly, I already owned it!

This book was an easy read. I liked the book, although I don't agree with everything Debi Pearl says. If you are "traditional" minded woman who believes that the husband should be the head of the household and want to learn how to make your marriage a bit better, this might be a book for you. You kind of have to read it with an open mind and not take offense to what she says. Some of it is harsh. If you are interested you can learn more about the book here. It was much easier than I thought talking with other woman. We had a lot of fun and it was interesting to hear their take on stuff that rubbed me the wrong way in the book.

That night we drew the next book...

I will admit...this book was NOT my favorite book. I have a hard time reading a book if I keep loosing my place and then not even being sure what I just read. Does that make sense? I would sit down to read and read a page, get up to help the girls with something, sit back down and no clue where I left off because I don't remember reading anything on that page! He did have some good points, but the book just wasn't styled for me. However to be fair, if you want to check it out for yourself you can take a closer look here.

Our next book we chose was the well known book...

I will be honest and say I havn't finished this book yet. Our next meeting is the last Thursday of this month so I have some time yet. But so far I really like it. It does have some phycology in it which usually is a turn off, but its not over done. I bought my book used so it didn't have "the quiz" in it. So I went to Gary Chapman's site and found it there. I took it and then had Doug take it so we would know which "love language" we were. It was interesting. We scored almost identically. No wonder we work well together! I'm excited to see how the discussion goes with this book. If you want to check the book out, you can find it here.

We got ahead of ourselves and have our next book already lined up.

I have read about half this book, borrowed if from my sister-in-law. All I can say is I love it. Even if we weren't using it in book club I had plans of buying it. Maybe I'm a odd ball, but it really hit home and opened my eyes on a lot of issues. I quit reading it when I found out we were going to be reading it for book club. You can find the best deal on this one here.

I never would have guessed that I would have joined a book club. It just didn't seem like my thing. However, I'm really enjoying myself. I'm glad Aubrey came along and pushed encouraged me to join in. Do you have a Christian book club near you? Maybe you can start one? Think about it. If you want more info on how ours runs, feel free to contact me and I'll give you some more information.

Ungrateful...

Before I start I'm going to warn all you readers that this is a LONG post! Ok you have been warned!

Why is it that no matter how much the Lord has blessed me with that I have such moments of ungratefulness? Usually it doesn't last long because I end up feeling so horrible at how unthankful I am acting. I remind myself of one of those spoiled rotten kids in Walmart that drive me crazy! Regardless of all that, today is one of those days. Seems like I have been having a lot of them lately. I'm not sure if it has to do with all the people around me that are cradling newborns or waiting to welcome their new little bundle, but I'm definitely left struggling.

Lets back up a bit...

Before even welcoming Marissa into the world, Doug and I discussed how many kids we wanted. We were stuck between 2 and 3 but leaned more towards 3. We left it open for more discussion later. I, of course, played the whole scenario out in my mind...

We would be married and own our own place. I would find the perfect way to surprise Doug and tell him that he would be a Daddy and then together we would play how to spread the news. We would pick out nursery color and decor...making sure everything was just right. Baby would arrive 1 week or so before my due date and labor would be natural and perfect. My family and Doug's family would be waiting to welcome the new bundle and after a short time we would head for home to start our new lives as a family of 3. I would breastfeed and be the stay at home mom that I hoped to become....

However, that is not necessarily how things went down. Doug and I were not walking in the way of the Lord and messed around before the day we walked down the aisle. Before either of us were willing to admit it, we were 3 months along and finding ourselves seeking the guidance of a Christian pregnancy center. They kept in close contact with us throughout the pregnancy, making sure that the future grandparents found out and that we were ok. On January 8th, 2005, Doug and I were joined in marriage during a small and quiet ceremony. It was perfect for us. We moved to Ithaca in order for Doug to finish his BA degree through Cornell University and I got a job at Subway to help out. We found a small church that very quickly became like a family to us. A little shy of 4 weeks before my due date, Marissa arrived. It was May 4th, 2005 and she was 6lbs 15oz and 19 1/2 inches long. She was perfect, labor was fast and easy and I accomplished my goal of an all natural labor via the whirlpool tub. It was awesome.

(Right after birth)

(Getting ready to go home)

(The cousins checking her out a couple days after we were home)

(Daddy sleeping with Marissa at 1 month old)

Everything kind of went as planned from there. After a little bit of a tough beginning at breastfeeding, we conquered it and feeding became a breeze. The three of us moved to Doug's hometown when Marissa was 1 month old and we began a more "normal" life outside of college. The two of us grew in the Lord and together as a married couple. We were bound and determined to do the best we could for Marissa despite our "rough" beginning. When Marissa was a year old, we...eh...I, started talking about adding another little one. Doug had a tough time at first comprehending loving another child as much as we did Marissa. He decided to let the Lord have His perfect timing, not that He wouldn't anyhow, but you get where I am coming from. We stopped using Natural Family Planning and just let it happen when it was suppose to. One night Doug's pager went off and he ran out the door. He came back home around 11 at night in tears...that might be an understatement. He told me that he changed his mind and definitely did not want to add another member to our family. He went on to explain that they had taken a lady who had pre-eclampsia to the hospital who was 36 weeks pregnant and they almost lost her and the baby. Two weeks later, we found out we were expecting. This pregnancy proved to be entirely different than my first. I was sick, puking sick, for the first 4 months. I could keep liquids down thankfully but that was it. It was awful! I couldn't move off the couch and Doug ended up doing most of the house work and standing in as sole parent for a bit. At the four month mark, I started feeling better.

At 33 weeks, I woke up feeling different. I just felt all around miserable. I had an OB appointment that day and things went down hill fast. I arrived and my blood pressure was pretty high. They couldn't bring it down and decided to send me to the hospital for a non stress test on the baby. They warned me that they were pretty sure I had pre eclampsia. I called Doug on my way and told him I would update him as soon as I knew something. They did my test and informed me that I was in labor...having about 4 contraction in a half hour. They sent me home with a urine test to do overnight that would let them know for sure what was going on. I never made it that far. I was sent home on strict bed rest. Around 11pm, we called Doug's mom to come and stay with Marissa and headed back in. I was having contractions every 5 minutes, lasting for 5 minutes. Talk about fun! My doctor and I had a 2 week difference on the due date. She had me at 35 weeks and I had myself at 33 weeks. The NICU later informed us that she was definitely a 33 weeker. Long story short, my water broke and there was no stopping our little impatient baby. She arrived May 19th weighing in at 5 lbs 13oz and 19 inches. Within an hour she was on her way to Crouse hospital in Syracuse to spend some time in the NICU. She left us under an oxygen tent. I checked myself out 5 hours after giving birth and went home to pack and head to Syracuse for an unknown length of time. We stayed with Doug's brother and sister in law and their 2 kids. Sunday morning we got a phone call from the NICU letting us know that Madalyn was having trouble breathing early in the morning and they had intubated her. I lost it. My emotions were done at that point in time. I felt so empty not having my baby to hold. We went to see her that morning. She looked a lot more comfortable than when she had left LCGH. We talked with the staff a bit who had gotten my records by that time. They explained that in the last 2 weeks I had gained a pretty substantial amount of weight. During that time, unknown to us, Madalyn's supply line was closing. Because God designed women's body so awesome, my body started packing on the weight in order to allow her to real pack on the growth. Also due to the fact that I was in heavy labor for 3 days, my body was giving off hormones that were vital to her health. Pretty cool huh!

(Mommy and Madalyn at 3 days old)

After spending 4 days on the vent, 1 day on nasal cannula, and a total of 7 days in the NICU, we were on our way out the door. She came home weighing in just over 4 pounds.

(Dressed and ready to go home)

We were very relieved to be done with this whole thing. Having Madalyn at home was much different then when we brought Marissa home. Nursing was a challenge. Being a preemie, she lacked the stamina to stay awake long enough to get the amount she needed. For the first couple weeks, she would wake and nurse and then fall back asleep and wake up 45 minutes later. Its really rough to be able to function on that. When I went in for my 6 week checkup, my doctor discussed delivery with me. She explained that they don't really know a lot as far as what went wrong. She did say that she knows my placenta was really thick which shows signs of infection. She said I definitely had pre eclampsia. She said that she couldn't make up our minds for us, but she could say that since they have no explanation and each of my babies have come earlier than the last, she would highly recommend that we considered the idea of calling it quits. We prayed about it and talked a lot. We came to the agreement that two was enough. It wasn't worth "risking" one more. For us, we just couldn't do it again. We had a lot to be thankful for...

I felt at peace with our decision. For about 2 years. Now I really struggle. I feel like I was robbed. I feel like its not fair that I didn't get the natural birth the second time around, I feel like its not fair that I couldn't have my beginning moments with my baby. I feel like I lost complete control of my whole life. I feel like I was forced into giving up my "right" to have more kids. Lately I have gotten better with a lot of these feelings. I now get that this is the Lord's plan for my life. That we made the decision that we felt was best for our family. I get that the whole situation grew our family together and taught us a valuable lesson. I learned to not take advantage of the little things. I learned that there are many people that have it much worse out there. I learned that there is good that comes out of every situation. And I don't know, maybe every woman feels the "draw" to another baby even when they are sure they are done. Maybe even if I had 3 kids and called it quits without any push, that I would feel this way a couple years later. That concept usually puts my mind to rest. However, I'm still left with feeling like a shmuck because God is sooo good to us, and yet I'm always left wanting more! How is that even possible? I should be so unbelievably at peace and 100% happy and content. All I can say is "Lord, please forgive my ungratefulness"....