10 Months

Psalms 25:4-5

"Shew me thy ways, O LORD; teach me thy paths.  Lead me in thy truth, and teach me: for thou art the God of my salvation; on thee do I wait all the day."

It's been over 10 months since Doug and I have "lived" in the same zip code.  First off, time flies!  I can't believe we have made it through a winter, which can I just stop and say how awesome God is?  (I didn't think any of you would mind!)  We live in the infamous "Tug Hill Region".  Ok, maybe some of you have never heard of it :)  Well, let me just paint the picture for you.  We get ALOT of snow!  Its windy and the snow drifts to no end.  It's nothing for us to have snow at the end of May still sitting around.  Keeping up with the driveway is usually a bear and it requires a lot of hours throughout the winter, tending to it.  This was the first winter that all that was going to be on me.  I was worried.  I babysat every day of the week, so I had to have things cleaned out before they arrived at 8:30.  I knew I could do it, but I also knew it would be a struggle.  I wasn't really sure how I was going to work it.  God had that all taken care of for me though.  I think if I said I shoveled the driveway twice this winter it would be pushing it.  When we did get snow, which still wasn't much, it always showed up on Saturday.  Doug was home safe and he was here to snow blow it!  I didn't pray specifically for it, but God saw my need and was gracious to me.  

Anyhow, through the past 10 months, it has been a whirlwind of ups and downs.  It's tough to manage everything sometimes.  It's hard not to get selfish and whiney.  I never in a million years would have imagined that we would still be doing this with no real end in sight.  After all, there is no way that it's God's will for a husband and wife to be separated right?  I have searched my heart so many times wondering what I am doing wrong that has kept God from selling our home.  It's a battle I fight.  I'm a fixer and I know if I just did everything right, it would sell - Or would it?  I'm not sure where I got the notion in my head that God was going to do things my way and in my timing, but let me tell you that philosophy doesn't get you far!  God's plan is bigger than I can grasp.  

Lately I have been reading a book my Dad gave me.  It's called Lord Change My Attitude (Before It's Too Late)  by James MacDonald.  The book talks a lot about complaining and starts out highlighting the Israelites and all the complaining and murmuring they did.  It talks about how how God can't stand complaining, especially the kind where we start going down the "But why?  Why me?  Why are you doing this to me?  Did you forget about me?"  Hense the reason he dealt so harshly with the Israelites.  Yesterday a portion of the book hit me like a ton of bricks.  This is what he had to say.  

"God has entrusted to every person a measure of adversity.  You have a measure of adversity, and so do I.  Just the right amount to accomplish the eternal purposes of God in our lives.  I could go on and on with examples.  But hear this:  Every one of us has a measure of adversity, and God Himself is the one who measured it out.  Instead of rejoicing in all the good things that God has done in our lives, we complain about that one thing--whatever it is.  You say, "But it's hard."  I know it's hard.  It's hard to live with adversity and it's hard not to complain.  But listen to me.  Hear this pastor's heart.  You are forfeiting the grace that could help you through that trial by complaining about it.  All the grace and strength you need to experience joy and victory is available to you, but by choosing to complain, by clinging to the idol of a perfect life you are flushing away the grace of God.  Do you feel you are entitled to a perfect life, one without adversity?  Realize this:  That very adversity that you so often complain about is the thing that God wants to use to keep your heart close to His.  In His grace, He grants adversity to bring us close to Him."  

Wow!  

He goes on to use an example of parents who go out on a date and leave their younger children with an older sibling.  When they get home, they expect to find them in bed, however they are no where to be found.  They finally hear voices and they sneak up to listen to what they are doing.  They discover that the kids are complaining about how horrible their parents are.  Their dad is lazy, Mom nags all the time, you get the idea.  How would YOU feel if you walked in on that.  I would probably handle it the same way he talks about in the book.  I would be crushed, and hurt at first.  But that would probably only last for 20 seconds and then I would be MAD!  After all, I do this, this, this and this for them.  "It's never enough, they have no idea the sacrifices that I have made!"  I realize that God is perfect and handles Himself a lot different than I would, but imagine how He feels when we complain about what we are going through, even though through the trials, good is going to come.  We know this from Romans 8:28 - "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them that are called according to his purpose." 

 My best friend Amanda is my biggest encouragement in all of this.  She always sees the glass half full.  It seems like no matter what is thrown at her, its always going to be "ok!".  She went through a deployment with a toddler in tow and VERY pregnant, and I don't think I once heard her complain.  We spent just about every day together and pretty much tell each other everything, and she still looks for the good in everything.  Since reading this book and being convicted, I find myself using her as a boost.  If she can do it, that means it IS possible.  I can't slide under the radar saying that its just how we sinful creatures are.  It means I have to fight.  Life is a constant battle.  Just like that song, "I may never march in the infantry, ride in the calvary, shoot the artillery.  I may never zoom over the enemy, but I'm in the Lord's Army!"  I never realized how much truth there is in that kids song.  

So as much as I am praying for the Lord's will and waiting for this...

I'm also seriously challenging myself to Philippians 4:11.  

"Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content."

Thanks for listening to my heart!